Addie, overall I thought that you had a good start to your paper. I liked the background information that you provided on your topic. You did a good job of using statistics to display the effects of e-cigarettes. I also thought that your graphs were informative and your abstract was pretty clear on what to expect.
One thing that I would look over is the format of your paper. I noticed that you did not have any headings or page numbers. Also, your cover page used the wrong type of font. Another thing that I saw for your format is that your Abstract title and Reference title are in bold. I think that for APA they’re not supposed to be bolded. Overall, this is a very easy fix.
Another thing that I would work on is making sure that you cite your sources. I noticed that throughout the paper you used different statistics without citations. For example, in your first paragraph of the introduction, you stated that a study showed that 69% of e-cigarettes users were males, but you didn’t state where you got this statistic. It would also be helpful if you provided the researcher who conducted the study. I also noticed that some of your intext citations did not include a date of publications. Again, this is a minor issue and an easy fix.
The last thing that I would look over is your sentence structure and grammar. One of the main things that I noticed was that you started a couple of sentences with the same word in a row. For example, in your third paragraph you have five sentences in a row starting with the word “the”. Making this small change will make the paper flow a little better and sound a little more professional. I also noticed that some of your sentences were either run-ons or incomplete. I would just scan over the paper and make sure that everything makes sense one more time.
Make sure the abstract is not indented in the first section. Other than that, your abstract is strong and does a good job at identifying the gap. In contrast to the abstract, make sure the first paragraph of the introduction should be indented. When you were relaying statistics in sentence 6, the grammar is confusing to understand. Other than that, you create a very strong argument for your main points and utilize the sources very well to make your point and back it up realistically. In your results section, you do a great job of explaining the responses and tying them into the research you gathered and resented in your introduction. Format wise, for the title page, the title of the paper need to be first, then your name, then University of Iowa. Also, make sure to add page numbers and the title of paper as your header. Under your "Methods" heading, make sure your subheadings are bolded.
Addie, overall I thought that you had a good start to your paper. I liked the background information that you provided on your topic. You did a good job of using statistics to display the effects of e-cigarettes. I also thought that your graphs were informative and your abstract was pretty clear on what to expect.
ReplyDeleteOne thing that I would look over is the format of your paper. I noticed that you did not have any headings or page numbers. Also, your cover page used the wrong type of font. Another thing that I saw for your format is that your Abstract title and Reference title are in bold. I think that for APA they’re not supposed to be bolded. Overall, this is a very easy fix.
Another thing that I would work on is making sure that you cite your sources. I noticed that throughout the paper you used different statistics without citations. For example, in your first paragraph of the introduction, you stated that a study showed that 69% of e-cigarettes users were males, but you didn’t state where you got this statistic. It would also be helpful if you provided the researcher who conducted the study. I also noticed that some of your intext citations did not include a date of publications. Again, this is a minor issue and an easy fix.
The last thing that I would look over is your sentence structure and grammar. One of the main things that I noticed was that you started a couple of sentences with the same word in a row. For example, in your third paragraph you have five sentences in a row starting with the word “the”. Making this small change will make the paper flow a little better and sound a little more professional. I also noticed that some of your sentences were either run-ons or incomplete. I would just scan over the paper and make sure that everything makes sense one more time.
Make sure the abstract is not indented in the first section. Other than that, your abstract is strong and does a good job at identifying the gap.
ReplyDeleteIn contrast to the abstract, make sure the first paragraph of the introduction should be indented. When you were relaying statistics in sentence 6, the grammar is confusing to understand. Other than that, you create a very strong argument for your main points and utilize the sources very well to make your point and back it up realistically.
In your results section, you do a great job of explaining the responses and tying them into the research you gathered and resented in your introduction.
Format wise, for the title page, the title of the paper need to be first, then your name, then University of Iowa. Also, make sure to add page numbers and the title of paper as your header. Under your "Methods" heading, make sure your subheadings are bolded.